Purpose. What I thought was, but is not

As I grew up, I figured I have not much of memories from my childhood. For a long time this was not a bad thing, I thought it was completely normal. Looking back now, it appears it does maybe concern me more than I first noticed.

I always stood for success, independence and a strong, young woman. People know me like that, they even see me like that. Growing older I accepted this "fate" and learned to handle all burdens by myself. Friendship, family, love, heartache, loss, happiness. I learnt to deal with my emotions by not showing them to others. And as time passed by, there was no need to fake these character traits. I was functioning like that.

People never saw me cry. People never saw me struggle, or even flinch at the worst things happening. I lived this image of myself, never even questioning if this is how I see me too.

I experienced great loss, not by death, but by people choosing to leave - which in my opinion is just as bad. But what can I say, i never had death around me, thankfully.

As I was saying, people chose to leave and as the number of them grew, something in me changed. My heart felt heavier day by day. And it broke to pieces when I lost my best friend of twelve years - all because of love. But this is a story for some other day.

You could think I never thought of some bigger meanings on why this happens, or why some people are left by themselves more than others. But now I seem to see a reason.

I now believe, not all people are on this world to be loved. Or to be someone's first choice. The thought of being left again, and again, and again makes me shiver.. But it calms me, knowing they were able to have felt how it is on being deeply loved. Because I know how I give my all if it comes to those whom are the most important to me.

My love is as profound as the deepest ocean trench. Like the last time at sunset, when the sun touches the horizon. Like standing on top of a mountain and taking a deep breath.

This is how I intend to love, how i want to love and how i feel deep within myself.

I believe some people are here to share what's burning in them and not intentionally to receive the same amount of greatness back. But they give it to themselves, by knowing how they affected others - even if the others are not fully aware of it.

I like to believe that I have been brought here to love and I will always stand by that. Purpose.